What I learnt about ​

 Relationships can be complicated , but understanding yourself and accepting what role you are playing, you can change it  and improve the part of your life in regards of certain toxic relationships.

I realise that the notes don't look very clear. In the first page are three roles of the Drama Triangle: Victim, Hero and perpetrator or prosecutor. If we look closely you can see what defines their roles and how it's played in the following pages.  And how to accept the roles and changed for a better development of relationship with your self and others.  

If you are feeling overwhelmed by life’s demands, my services aim to introduce clarity and self-motivation. I also teach techniques to better manage the emotional stress of everyday life.

Mind Games

                                                Types of intelligence

American psychologist, Howard Gardner developed a theory of Multiple Intelligences (1983) which can go some way towards explaining different learner styles. According to Gardner there are eight different types of intelligence. 

The eight intelligence are:
•    Linguistic - The word player
•    Logical / Mathematical - The Questioner
•    Visual / Spatial - The visualizer
•    Musical - The music lover
•    Bodily / Kinaesthetic - The mover
•    Interpersonal - The socialiser
•    Intrapersonal - The loner
•    Naturalistic - The nature lover (added by Gardner at a later date)

Learner Type



Visual / Spatial




Bodily / Kinaesthetic







Is Good @

Reading, writing and stories

Solving puzzles, exploring

patterns, reasoning and logic
Drawing, building, arts and crafts
 Singing, listening to music  playing instruments

Moving around, touching things and body language
Mixing with others, leading groups, understanding others and mediating
Working alone and pursuing own interests


Learns the Best B

Saying, hearing and seeing words

Asking questions, categorising and working with patterns

Visualising, using the mind's eye

Using rhythm, with music on



Moving, touching and doing

Co-operating, working in groups and sharing


Working alone


Working outside and observing nature


Memory games
Trivia quizzes, stories.



Flashcards, Colours, Pictures,
Drawing, Project work.

 Using songs, Chants, Action songs


Running dictations, Miming

Mingle activities, Group work
Debates, Discussions.



Working individually on personalised projects

Environmental projects.


                                                                      Boundaries=Safety, Protection & Reflection

                                                   Information from the book ~Compelled to Control~ by J. Keith Miller


                       External: Protection Physically and sexually


                      Internal: Protection Intellectually, Emotionally & Spiritually

The invisible fences mark off a space around us, so no one has the right to come in without our permission


No Protection = No having boundaries makes you Vulnerable to get injured.

  • You take on/in the negative,

  • attacking & sadness.

  • You can love with more abandon as there is no boundaries

  • You always say yes, over committing yourself, exhausting yourself= People Pleaser = Guilt

  • You expect everyone to “read their mind” and when they cannot you get angry


   Boundaries ON: They are most of the time on, but in cases not with everyone 


  • You choose to say Yes or No

  • You get to choose what interpretation is correct for you (even if other people have their opinions)

  • You are in control of your emotions ( Guilt, Anger, Fear /Shame)  , as you are thinking, you get to influence them                              


  Impaired Boundaries: Many people don’t get taught how to have healthy boundaries. Instead they:

  1. Have no boundaries at all

  2. Have functional boundaries, just with certain people

  3. Use walls instead of boundaries


Walls When we don’t have functional boundaries, we create walls to protect ourselves. These walls are made up of strong emotions as:

Anger: A person with the anger wall, often rages at other people around him/her in a very treating way

Fear: Person with the fear wall, will keep him/her self isolates, withdraws, emitting signals of fear. If approached the person will get overcome with fear or flee

Silence: People that use the silence, they won’t talk about their issues

Words: This person will not stop talking, a bottomless sack of words & thinks that talking is way of intimacy

The only trouble with walls is that, although they can protect us and keeps people out, they often become LONELY


I don’t know how many times I have heard “Self-care Varsha, know your boundaries, if you do not it will affect your well-being” Ok apart from sounding very intelligent this manner of speaking I don’t get it!!!

Yes, I know the basics: eat well, do exercise, yoga and meditation. We get bombarded enough about it, or just in case you did not know this X item is bad for your health, or this new alternative item Z is great. Sometimes I doubt the concept of this healthy statistics or new products; mostly because I do feel that sometimes this really “Good and Trendy” stuff, is another way of making money. Well that is entirely a different idea of what I am trying to say about self-care.

Please, please can someone dissect the idea and put it in simple and readable language??

Hurrah, my supervisor got me this wheel of self-care, that someone very clever done the work for me. So here it goes, not mine work, I am just changing the design of reading it. But THANKS for making some sense of it, because now I can have an imaginary tick list to cross and really highlight where I am lacking and pass it to other people. 

There are six parts to this concept of Self-care


  1. Physical

  2. Psychological

  3. Emotional

  4. Spiritual

  5. Personal

  6. Professional


        Physical                                 Psychological



  • Safe housing                                      *Self-reflection, Therapy, Journal

  • Regular medical care                       *Self-awareness

  • Exercise                                             * Music/Drawing/Gardening/Dancing

  • Be sexual                                            *What are my strengths

  • Get enough sleep                              * Asking and Receiving Help

  • Holidays/time off

  • Massages, Bubble Baths, Acupuncture

  • Kisses, Cuddles

  • Taking a walk

  • Turn off the phone

  • Get "me" time

  • Eat healthy

    Emotional                                             Personal

  • Affirmations                                        *Learn who you are

  • Practice Forgiveness                          *What you want out of life

  • Self-Love/Self-compassion              *Short/Long terms goals

  • Cry/Laugh                                            *Make a Vision Board

  • Social Justice Engagement                *Foster Friendships

  • Hobbies                                                *Go dating

  • Flirting                                                 *Get yourself out of debt

  • Treating yourself                                *Just relax, without feeling guilty                      

  • Loving your pet                                   *Write Poem/Book

                                                                                         *Spend time with family/people that make you happy


                                                                       * Learn a new instrument



  • Self-Reflection

  • Go into nature

  • Find spiritual community

  • Meditate/Sing/Dance

  • Be inspired

  • Being a child again

  • Pray

  • Find a spiritual mentor

  • Volunteer

  • Foster self-forgiveness 




                                             Take time for lunch

                                              Set boundaries

                                             Do not do overtime

                                             Leave Work @work

                               When is your time off is your time not work's

                                            Get regular supervision

                              Ask for support from your colleagues

                                            Take mental health days

                                                Learn to say "NO"

                                            Plan your next career move

                                                  Take a class

                                            Take vacation+sick days


















































































07716 469334


Grays , Essex